Questions

To tell what type of affair is in your life,
please answer these questions with information about your
current or most recent affair (or your spouse's). Include one-night stands.

1) Is this your (or your partner's) first or second affair?

2) Do you (does your partner) feel guilty about the affair?

3) Have you been married less than 12 years?

4) Did the affair last less than 4 months?

5) Do you and your partner avoid talking about issues that might lead to disagreement or conflict?

6) Do you and your partner usually try to avoid hurting each other's feelings?

7) Do you believe that you are regarded by friends and acquaintances as the model couple?

8) Do both of you want your marriage to continue?

9) Are you (is your partner) having a hard time ending the affair?

Your affair or your partner's affair is probably a
Conflict Avoidance Affair
if you answer yes to most of the questions from 1 to 8 and no to question 9.

1) Have both of you had affairs in the last year or so?

2) Did the affair(s) last less than 4 months?

3) Do you get into a lot of fights with each other?

4) Do you find that every disagreement turns into a battle?

5) Are your fights the most emotionally intense moments in your relationship?

6) Do both of you want your marriage to continue?

7) Are you (is your partner) having a hard time ending the affair?

Your affair or your partner's affair is probably an
Intimacy Avoidance Affair
if you answer yes to most of the questions from 1 to 6 and no to question 7.

1) Are you addicted to alcohol, drugs, food or any other substance?

2) Do you (or does your spouse) engage in other compulsive sexual behavior, such as porno, or cybersex?

3) Do you (or does your spouse) engage in numerous one-night stands or brief affairs?

4) Have you (or your spouse) had affairs throughout your relationship?

5) Was either of your parents sexually addicted?

6) Were you sexually abused as a child?

Your affair or your partner's affair is probably a
Sexual Addiction Affair
if you answer yes to most of the questions from 1 to 6.

1) Has your affair (or your spouse's affair) lasted more than 2 years?

2) Do you and your spouse live separate lives?

3) Have you (or your spouse) had fewer than 5 affairs?

4) Has the affair lasted more than two years?

5) If the affair has ended, are you (or is your spouse) tempted to resume it?

6) Do you believe that marriage and family are important?

7) Has much of your marriage been devoted to parenting?

8) Are you troubled by your inability to choose between your spouse and your affair partner?

9) If you answered yes to #8, do you find yourself changing your mind about which one to choose?

10) Do you typically put a lot of energy into making things work the way you think they should?

11) Is your affair partner fifteen or more years younger than you are?

Your affair or your partner's affair is probably a
Split Self Affair
if you answer yes to most of the questions from 1 to11.

1) Do you (does your spouse) want to end your marriage to be with the affair partner?

2) Have you (or your spouse) already cut your emotional ties to the marriage?

3) Have you (or your spouse) decided to end your marriage?

4) If yes to #3, do you believe that you can move ahead with your plans to separate?

5) Was the duration of your affair (or your spouse's) from 10 months to less than 2 years?

6) Is your affair partner fifteen or more years younger than you are?

7) Are endings hard for you?

8) Do you have ambivalent feelings that make it difficult for you to act on your decision to end your marriage?

Your affair or your partner's affair is probably an
Exit Affair
if you answer yes to most of the questions from 1 to 7 and no to question 8.

SECTION 1: QUESTIONS FOR THOSE WHO ARE MARRIED